Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
