I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'm always down for nudity.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
