You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
