I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
