I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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