We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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