Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
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