I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
