so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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