She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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