There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
