You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
