My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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