I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
