Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize