I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
