Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
