So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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