8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
