I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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