You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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