I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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