New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
