I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
