You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
