So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Someone came in the potted fern
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
