I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
