Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did I show you my penis last night?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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