My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we made out on top of his cat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize