shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
