i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
