Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
