i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
