it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize