when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we're making bets on your personal life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
