You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
