i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
