well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
