Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
