she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
