Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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