I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
