I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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