I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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