i would punch a child for taco bell
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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