he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
