i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
