girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
