Moan for me like Helen Keller
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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