the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
