We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
