Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
