Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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