I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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