He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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