I'm drive I can fine osifer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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