Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
