I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
