So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
