Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
