Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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