So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
