That's intense
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
