Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize