so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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