When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
