Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
