So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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