How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
