dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
