We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
