I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
