I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize