He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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