I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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