That's intense
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
