that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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