i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
