I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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