my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
