i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
