The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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