I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize